Dogs and Kids – How to Make Life with Dogs and Kids Work
Allowing dogs and children to grow up together can be absolutely wonderful. However, it’s wise to prepare well, as there are some pitfalls to consider...
Preparing your dog for a new family member
If you have a dog and are expecting a baby, your furry friend will be aware of the situation as your belly grows. An expecting mother has a distinct scent. However, this doesn’t mean that your dog is prepared for the change, so prepare in good time. As a new parent, you might not want the dog in the bed anymore, and the upstairs may be off-limits. If the situation changes, it’s wise to adjust in advance so that the baby isn’t associated with negative experiences for your dog.
Involving your dog in baby life
To reduce the feeling of coming in second place, involve your dog. Buy pacifiers, a stroller, and diapers in advance. Train your dog to fetch baby items on command, pick up toys, and get close to the stroller. You can then use your four-legged friend as an assistant, making them feel important and involved.·When the baby arrives home, let your dog sniff and explore. Always supervise. If you don’t want the dog in bed for safety reasons, place the used, unwashed baby blanket in the dog bed to foster bonding. Consider getting good bones and new interactive toys for your dog before the baby arrives; your dog needs engagement while you’re in baby mode.
Managing your dog's guarding instinct
As the family expands, the instinct to guard the territory may increase. Intruders could potentially harm the little one. So, don’t scold your dog for warning more often than before; see it as Fido's way of protecting the family. He may also become anxious about suddenly having many visitors or people leaning over the stroller. The latter can trigger a guarding instinct in a dog. Prevent this by keeping your dog in a nearby room or training Fido to sit by your side while visitors dote on the baby. This shows that you are in control, and your dog's defensive instincts will be relaxed. But don’t make a big deal of it if your dog shows no signs of anxiety.
Introducing a new dog to a toddler home
An adult dog getting a human puppy usually goes well. However, puppies and children under three years old can often be a demanding combination. Everything happens at lightning speed, and it requires both multitasking and patience with that combination.·A one-year-old who gets a dog cannot "pet gently" unless they’ve learned how, and curiosity might lead them to try the "drawing on the dog’s ear" experiment.·Mark up: spanTwo- or three-year-olds often want to carry small dogs and hug large ones. And dogs act in dog ways. They will express themselves if they need to, and a growl can escalate to a bite if the child doesn’t heed the warning. What happens between dogs and children is always the responsibility of adults.
Teach children dog handling rules
Set rules for the little ones and provide explanations.
- “Puppies need to sleep; you can play when he wakes up”
- “Fido wants to eat alone; he may bite if he thinks you’re going to take his food. When he’s finished, you can throw treats in the garden for him”
- “Dogs are sensitive to touch; pet with a gentle hand, here on the side is fine”
- "Fido can walk on his own, he might get scared when you carry him."
The way you express yourself and the activities you suggest instead depend on your child.
Even older children need guidance. Teach your child to be a good little owner who always handles the dog gently. You can teach small children to “pet gently” by demonstrating, practicing on stuffed animals first. Avoid letting the child hug the dog or put their face close to the dog; this is unnatural for dogs and can be frightening. Don’t let the child chase the dog or vice versa; such experiences can lead to lifelong fears.
Puppies are fragile creatures, so be mindful of the feelings your child evokes in your dog and vice versa. Let your child be responsible for positive experiences; bring treats or the dog’s favorite toy.
You can teach your little one to throw treats for the puppy to search for, hide a ball, or put an empty milk carton with a chew inside for the dog to find. These activities are positive and require presence and calmness, which we want to associate with the child. No high-energy wrestling or chase games between the child and dog.
Stopping unwanted behavior towards children
Prevent the dog from sticking its nose in a child's face if it scares them and calm the dog if it seems about to jump. Afterward, say “sit” and reward before asking the child to extend a hand. This teaches the dog to sit and sniff/lick the hand, not the face.
If the dog tries to take food from the child’s hand, ask the child to turn their back and hold the food away. Ask the dog to lie down, and then the child can turn around and perhaps throw a treat to the dog. This sets a clear boundary. Repetition is key, and even once the routine is established, keep an eye on things. Your dog, your responsibility. Your child, your responsibility.
If the puppy grows up with children around school age and older, they only need to understand the rules. For example, never disturb the dog when it is sleeping or eating.
Older children around seven years and above can often lay trails, hide during search exercises, and train simpler tricks with the dog. If you have a food-loving dog that may nip at small fingers, ask the child to throw the reward on the ground.
Teach the dog to lie down when the child holds up a treat, which will signal “lie down.” This will result in a dog that lays down when children try to protect their snacks or sandwiches from the food thief.
Teach children that dogs are not toys
Some children don’t want to play or train. They want to hug, brush, carry, or push the dog in a stroller. A dog is not a toy. Possibly an older child, under supervision, can brush a dog. A “No” and an explanation of why when requests arise will teach the child empathy and understanding for the animal's perspective.
Useful signals for safety
Having previously taught the dog commands like “back up” and “stay” is useful. “Back up” is used in tight situations when you want the dog to increase the distance from the child. Teach your child the same. “Leave the dog alone!” and show an alternative activity. Don’t always move the dog; be fair. “Stay” can be used to prevent a rushing dog from crashing into the child.
Training for safety and patience
Children are children. They may accidentally grab too hard, fall, or pull a tail. Teach the dog that tail pulls, fur tugging, and someone stumbling beside them are all okay. Demonstrate slowly and gently at first, rewarding with a cheerful demeanor and tasty treats. Repeat, gradually increasing how hard you hold and how quickly you grasp, and see how your dog becomes comfortable with clumsiness. The training is not a guarantee but a safety buffer between the dog and child.
Expect the unexpected and prioritize safety
Having a dog during the early years of a child is not for everyone. We need to have the time and energy to prepare both the dog and the child, and always be involved. No child or dog is “reliable.” If we start from the premise that anything can happen, we can reduce the risks of conflicts and increase the chances of pleasant interactions. And remember: no Instagram photo is worth losing trust. Or something even worse.
Teach your children to understand dog language
Teach children to understand how dogs communicate their desire to be left alone, to play, to sleep, or to be petted. Read children's books about dogs, show pictures of dogs yawning, and explain that a yawning dog wants you to back off. Play the sound of a growling dog on your phone and tell the child to back away from the dog and call for mom/dad if Fido makes that sound.Show pictures of dogs showing their teeth, pressing against the ground, turning their gaze away, licking their lips, or shaking themselves... Explain that in those moments, the dog doesn’t want you to come close, and objectively discuss what might happen if the child doesn’t back off. Also, show pictures of dogs that want to play and cuddle so that the child knows when the dog is in the mood for that. Practice with a stuffed dog. Feel free to update your own knowledge if you're unsure.
Respect and understanding for each unique dog
Sometimes you get lucky and everything just flows. The chemistry between the dog and the child is so good that they can easily get along well together. Some dogs also have a natural nurturing instinct. This is something you cannot create, but you can reinforce it through encouragement and praise.If, however, the dog completely ignores the little one, it’s best to leave it that way. Give the dog space and a safe place to be alone. Place extra emphasis on teaching the child to respect the dog if there’s a risk that the dog may express itself seriously. This is a natural and understandable behavior for the dog, but we want to avoid that situation.However, with mutual respect, understanding, and, above all, knowledge, most issues can be resolved. Gradually, the relationship will become more secure, and it takes time before the child is big enough to run alongside the dog.
Benefits and challenges of an adult dog
An adult rescue dog can seem like a safer choice, providing a trained and “finished” dog. That can happen, but often there’s a reason for the dog’s rehoming. It could end up being more problematic than anticipated, and rarely is there full insight into the dog’s experiences with children, which plays a significant role in whether it will work in the long run.
How to test for dog allergies before buying a puppy
If you have children and are considering getting a puppy, visit the breeder several times to ensure that your child is not allergic to the specific dog you have in mind.
Let the child interact with the puppies and adult dogs.The same goes for adults if there is a history of allergies in the family. If you experience a mild reaction, don’t despair; the quantity and type of allergens are individual among dogs, and you may very well tolerate another dog, perhaps from a different litter. But don’t take chances if you’re uncertain.
Read more here: How to test for dog allergies before buying a puppy
Your children are family, not all children
Remember that your dog and your child are family. If your child can lie close to the family dog, brush them, and give them treats, it does NOT mean that children in general can do the same. Friends don’t have the same trust.
Your child is also accustomed to the dog, and the fascination is not as strong as for many children without dogs. The increased attention can make the dog feel crowded. Teach your child the same; if Fido enjoys a kiss on the forehead, another dog might bite if you do that.
How to choose the right dog breed for your family
There are no “child-friendly” breeds. However, there are high-caliber breeds such as herding, working, and hunting dogs that have high demands for physical and mental outlets. They will require time, and if they become under-stimulated, stress-related problems will arise.Small dogs and children don’t necessarily make a better combination. Many small breeds have a strong sense of independence and may resist rough handling because they find it difficult to defend themselves. Ask the breeder everything you can think of and be honest. If you’re considering a mixed breed, it’s important to know which breeds are included and to be extra careful with your choice of breeder. Choose a sensible breed with moderate demands for mental stimulation and exercise, especially if this is your first dog. Life with small children is often demanding, and it can be difficult enough to keep up. Having a dog should be enjoyable, not something that brings guilt or frustration.
Read more here: How to choose the right dog breed for your family
Balance and fairness between dog and child
When there are both dogs and children in the family, it’s important to meet the needs of both and to be able to switch perspectives occasionally. An excessive understanding of the dog’s needs at the expense of the child’s creates a skewed priority.Similarly, a dog that is often pushed aside can become unhappy and, in the worst case, take out feelings of injustice on the child. Most people know that children appreciate fairness and turn-taking. In fact, dogs function in exactly the same way.
Learn more here: Dogs and children - games to boost their relationship
Written by: Caroline Alupo
Caroline Alupo is Petli's co-founder. She has a master's degree in ethology and is also a trained dog trainer and dog psychologist. She has 19 years of experience as a professional dog trainer. Read more about Caroline here.
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